kathy2.jpg (50366 bytes) These are hard words to write and a sad story to tell. On Thursday morning just after midnight my mom took her last look at her world and died. The peace of knowing she is no longer in pain does not make the loss easier, just different .
In April of 1997, my 14th wedding anniversary, I took my Mom to see the family doctor because of difficulty breathing. She had been sanding drywall in the basement preparing for my baby brother’s high school graduation in May. My mom is a very strong and private woman. Doctors were very rarely seen in my family even though there were 7 of us growing up on a farm to which there were many danger I never saw then but do now when my own three children visit their grandpa and grandma. Right away they took a chest x-ray and put her in the hospital with pneumonia and heart fibrillation. That evening my life and the lives of my brothers and sisters and my Dad would never be the same. My mom was very sick and we all wanted to know why. In asking the doctor questions we soon learned the secret she had been keeping for the last 5 years. In 1992 my mom was diagnosed with scleroderma and learned that she had had it probably 6 years already before that. I told you she is a very strong lady! We all knew that something was not right but she kept tell us she was fine anyway - she was not recovering very well so they sent her to Omaha to see a specialist for her heart and lungs and skin. Now the real nightmare began as we found out what our mom had and how serious it was. After a week in the hospital she came home and things were pretty good. They got her blood pressure under control and said that her kidneys look pretty good. We asked in private just how long we would have her with us and they said two years if she took care of herself. Things went ok for awhile but she slowed down a lot. She quit going to her choir and made more homemade gifts for Christmas. She took each one of her kids and grandkids out to eat for their birthdays and enjoyed a new baby grandson and granddaughter.

In Feb' of 98 my sister took her on a trip to Kansas to see my brother. After a 6 hour drive they had to come back home because mom got deathly sick and was throwing up blood. Back to the hospital and another 10 days of rest for a bleeding ulcer, and back to work she went, just little bit slower. We had a wedding in May so we were very busy and I found myself spend more and more time at the farm with my folks just to help. In July pretty much against her wishes we gave her a surprise 60th birthday party. A lot of my family had not seen mom in a long time we thought it would be nice but she really didn't want people to see how bad she was. It was very hard for her to become dependent on us kids even though she was always there for us. In Nov. Mom began to cough a lot, so after Thanksgiving I took her to the hospital again - a medicine change helped a little. On Dec. 19 my Mom and I and my sisters took a bus tour of the Christmas lights, Mom’s treat to us. It was fun for a little while, but we could see mom was not too well.

On Monday the 21 I took her back in and they put her on Lasix. On the 24th, Christmas Eve morning, we went for a check up and I knew Christmas would be a little late this year. She was in the hospital till the following Monday. I brought her home only to take her back the next day for chest pain they then flew her to Omaha where they did a heart cath. Her heart beat was very irrregular. They also found fluid in her chest cavity which they tapped and ran tests. She came home on the 6th of Jan. feeling really good till Sat. On Sun we had our family Christmas. On Monday I took her back to the doctor and she went back in the hospital. We had her out for almost 2 weeks but for the next month and a half we went in to get her lung tapped do to fluid, and she could never breathe easily. Now I was at the farm every day and the rest come on the weekends Mom could hardly walk and Dad had taken on some new roles in life he never had before.

On March 2nd the cardiologist recommended the she get a chest tube put in and they would put in a chemical to seal up her lung space so no fluid could get in. On the 3rd I took her to Omaha with my two daughters and my sister in law. She was doing all right and on Thursday she had

the surgery. By Friday we all knew deep down that mom may never come home. Something just went wrong - she didn't or couldn't eat, she wasn't drinking and she was having trouble talking. By sunday she wasn't even responding. On Monday morning 8:05 on a snowy ice cold day they called to say her blood pressure had dropped suddenly and she couldn't breathe well. We all left home praying we would get there and in time to see her. By God’s grace and many prayers we did and she was a little better, but they gave us no positive news. Her kidneys had shut down, her liver was damaged, and she was on a ventilator. So we talked and she nodded and I got to say all the things I should have been saying the last 34 years and she had to listen. We had hope. At times when her kidneys seemed better and her blood pressure and heart rate improved, but by Monday we saw our hopes destroyed. Now the doctors told us she had a hole in her lung and she had gained over 50 lbs of fluid. Her blood pressure nose-dived again and her kidneys quit. No medicine seemed to work and they said it was a waiting game.

Tuesday I sang and read to her and I talked. On Wednesday she woke at 6:00 to see my brother off to school. He stayed the night with me at her bedside. I told her I was going home today and that Tim and Cheryl were coming and she jerked her head just a little and watched us all day never closing her eyes. I left to come home at 4:00 - it was a 2 and a half hour drive and I was tired. I didn't want to leave but my kids needed me and my brother and sister were there. I could not sleep that night I just prayed for my mom and at 12:15 my dad called and said her blood pressure had dropped again and 5 minutes later she peacfully went home to her Savior and Lord.

I am so grateful that she doesn’t have to suffer any more but I miss her so much. She has taught me many things but the one I learned the most from her is how to be strong. She never complained even though she suffered terribly. My prayers go out to anyone who has this terrible stuff. I didn't write this letter to scare anyone but just to let you know that life is very precious and very short - your families must not take you for granted and you must not give up. Mom’s scleroderma was more serious than most cases ever get. We got to spend some wonderful moments together and became very close the last 3 months and yes we had a lot of dreams but now I have to do them myself for her. And just just so you know God is just and fair even if we don't see it right away. On July 7 when we normally celebrate my Mom’s birthday we just may be celebrating the wonder of new, for my sister is due on that day and a grandbaby was my mothers whole world.

May you find your strength and comfort in the Lord Jesus Christ. I could not have made it with out Him.

Love, Kathy        email brandog97@webtv.net        Return to Tributes page