I was about ten when I tried to figure out why I had a bruise on my back.
It was shiny and weird shaped, but a part of my skin. So I saw a
dermatologist, and sure enough I was diagnosed with localized scleroderma.
I didn't understand what it was, neither did my mother, but the doctor
said it wasn't a big deal, so we made our way home.
A few years later, my abdomen would be covered with these bruised looking
spots and we decided to take more action. I saw a different doctor who
diagnosed me with the same anti-immune disorder, but tried her hardest to
explain to me what this meant. I am 19 now, and it's just getting worse.
Some days, i wouldn't think about it and i'd accept that it is just a part
of me, but others I'd look at myself in the mirror as I'm getting ready
for school and i just couldn't take it. It made me feel horrendous. Even
though i couldn't always see it, i felt it and i felt different. It was
hard for me to ever say anything because I didn't want people to know
unless they saw it and asked.The kids in high school didn't ask about it
very nicely either! i guess i can laugh about that now. I could barely
speak to my parents about it (even though they tried) just because I felt
sad and embarrased for odd reasons.
I wrote that in the past tense because i have recently come to some very
important conclusions. I won't go on about how looks don't matter and
such, but i will go on about truth and understanding. These disorders do
not alter anything about who we are and what we know. They are simply
facts, and although they may effect what we want to do, or wear, or see-
we will always be this way. I have to accept myself. It's often said that
stress can make this worse, so why stress myself out? Don't i want to help
myself instead of beating myself up for soemthing that i have no control
over?
So i guess what i'm trying to say is take good care of yourselves. Realize
that this is life right now, and if you can do anything to help yourself-
do it with a smile on your face because being upset about it will make
everything worse, both physically and mentally. As long as you can be
taught how to take care of yourself, everything will be okay. So there it
is.
Also, i have recently been diagnosed with Rhumetoid arthritis. I didn't
know that these two auto-immune disorders provoked eachother and it is
completly new to me. If anyone has any direction, any hints on what might
help me with this, please let me know. I'm sure you all know how detailed
doctors can be! (sarcasm intended)
Take care everyone-
tomorrow's a new day.
Kim - kimandmoose@hotmail.com
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